Each night in my dreams,
My fathers face I see.
In my dreams My fathers face,
Leads me on,
to the path I take.
He speaks to me in my heart,
through my dreams each night,
I feel his love.
Through my dreams each night,
His pain I feel.
The pain of his having to leave,
My mom and me.
His death has brought him close.
Close to my heart,
And close to my mind.
I know that in my dreams,
He will hold me.
Help ease the pain of life.
For Him I move on.



I love you daddy and I miss you. James W. Merriman JR. was born October 15, 1950 to James Merriman Sr. and Charlene Harris Merriman.  He died March 20, 1991. He died from effects of agent orange and third stage terminal lung cancer.  By the time that they caught it, it was to late and he was already terminal.  I miss him and love him very much.  I was in the first grade when he died.  All I knew was Daddy was sick and in the hospital, the day I came home from school on March 20, 1991 he was supposed to come home, but I got home and mom and grandma met me at the door.  My mom and grandma tried to get me inside before they told me, but all I could scream was, "Where's daddy? I want daddy. Where's daddy?", They finally had to tell me on the front steps that He had passed away.Being a little girl I didn't fully understand what was going on, I came home expecting him to be home ready to hug me, but he wasn't he had passed away that day.  My dad was a strong man and a very stubborn one at that.  My mom tells me that I am more stubborn than daddy was.  I miss him with all my heart but I understand now that the great spirit had other plans for daddy.  I also know that daddy is in a better place and isn't in pain anymore, and for that I am grateful.

oh children of our tribes,
hear the cries of the past.
the cries of my ancestors long ago,
people of my tribes, crying out.
crying out for help and hope.
hope that we the children of their children,
shall learn, from the mistakes.
mistakes made in their times.

oh children of our tribes,
hear the cries of the tribes,
the tribes crying out,
crying out for peace.
saying put down your bow,
put down you weapons.
live a path of peace.
oh children of the ancestors please hear our cries.
our cries for you to learn,
learn from our wrongs,
learn to save mother earth.
pay homage to the great spirit.
our life is of this earth,
we should pray to protect our gift,
our gift from mother earth.

oh children of our tribes,
listen and hear our cries,
heed this warning and learn.
learn from our mistakes,
oh children of our tribes.
make peace with your enemies,
and band together,
oh children of our tribes.
hear the pain the pain
of battles past and,
battles fought and,
battles lost.

oh children of our tribes,
please heed our cries,
make homage,
homage to the great spirit,
and live in peace,
oh children of our tribes.

she would purr softly and rise slowly to her feet moving to the dance pit her eyes soft and timid as she sways gently and stops to whisper to the drummers for a certian beat and with that she would move to put on her slave silks that she could dance with without worrying about having to rip them and they were old ones anyways so she didnt mind as she stepped into the pit....as she stepped into the pit she would become absorbed in the dance she was starting as the drums started to beat slowly she would look about as if in the plains her deep eyes taking in everything her silks were old as if they were ready to fall off the girl seemed to be peeking about things and she would pause looking all around and as if she saw the coast was clear would begin to run each step timed to the beat of the drums... she seemed to be moving across the plains and to what she thought was safety by the river to bathe and drink her body as she danced would twist and bend her leg going up near her head and she would begin to spin as she made it to what was thought to be the water and she would act as if drinking and washing her face she would pause as the beat of the drums sped up as if saying someone was coming and she would ignore it thinking it was nothing and would make motions as she knelt as if bathing herself her eyes darting about and then she would hear it again this time a drummer would make a cracking sound and she would pause what she was doing and tense up growling softly...the girl would look around preparing to rise and then trouble she would tense seeing a Master carrying a whip a net a collar and a quiva and she would gulp tensing she would look about for a route of escape and would gulp seeing the only way would be the river and she would be lucky to get that far as the man wasnt that far...she would tense taking slow swaying steps back her large 38DDs would bouncing with each step she kept her eyes on the Master who was near by and would pray He didnt chase her but no such luck the whip the Master held would be unfurled and then he would crack it at her and she would duck to the left snarling loudly at the Master her eyes glaring as she did so she splashed down in the water and was tense trying to swim but the Master was fast upon her and her wrists were grabbed*a guard would portray the part of the Master and grab her wrists binding them tightly but not to tight so she couldn't dance*....the guard would drag her and she would sway and turn and duck and spin trying to pull free with no such luck with each movement the Master would stop and turn around to smack at her and *when the guard did this He barely smacked her knowing He would be in deep shit if she was harmed*the girls head would jerk when smacked and she would growl the Master would laugh and she would spin around as she was at a slave auction in the camp now and tears would fall as she turned around the Master would un bind her hands laughing coldly the guard was getting true pleasure in this and there was a look of fear in the slaves eyes she was scared as she had never been sold like this before....*she would scream rushing the Master and again the Master would smack her only this time when He through her to the ground *as she performed this her body moved with such grace and ease twisting and turning her body was a golden copper her eyes deep and brillant and she would look at the Master and he would unfurl the whip again and this time he whipped her five times*now the guard didnt touch her skin with the whip but only it looked that way*her body would jerk as she cried out for forgiveness the girl would be jerked to her feet and her silks torn off *the guard would smirk snatching the threads for silks off*as the Master did this she would fall back stumbling her dancers feet would catch themselves and she would turn around spinning and jumping her eyes begging to be released her body crying out that she is slave....she would tense as she twisted and turned and spun around running from one Master to the next begging to be freed but none listened to her though a Master had seen her fire and smiled as He inspected her as she begged Him for her freedom and He smiled at her and she would give a paniced smile back and then the Master would buy her and she would howl with anguish as she was bound again she would turn twist and spin on the tips of her toes tears falling as she was collared by the Master and was moved off to the homestone....*the MAster would unbind her wrists as tears fell from gentle eyes as she collapsed to the ground her eyes going up to the handsome Master and she would relax realising this wouldn't be so bad she was slave through and through and she knew it finally she would leap up dancing her legs splitting in the air as she twisted and turned and smiled as she rushed about doing twists and spins till she returned to the Masters feet melting into a kneel with thighs parted wide she would slowly bend a bit at the waist her long gorgious hair brushing her body as she crossed her wrists lifting her arms above her head and she would whisper*she submits to You..

all around me i look,
i see the life of the earth.
and i wonder what has,
become of mother earth.
her lands beaten and torn.
her trees and animals,
scattered in the wind,
some still live,
others have died.
i feel the calling of my tribe.
my heart cries out,
listening to the pain.
i hear the wind,
calling the names,
of the ones whom have gone.
as father sky looks down from above,
the great spirits alive in my soul.
calling me to return to my tribe.
telling me to heed their call,
a warning from the great spirits,
comes forth to me.
tell the people of the tribes,
to clean the earth and not to fight.
to much blood has been shed,
for no reason except for greed.
the great spirits call out and say,
heed this now or all shall die.
love one another and do not fight.
this earth that was given,
was a gift from mother earth,
father sky watches over giving life with his rain.
the great spirits call out,
oh children of our tribes watch out,
head us and cry.
the earth is a gift,
we should not harm,
for mother earth is mother to us all.

Well there has been a lot happening in my life lately...  I don't even know where to begin, I may be going over seas to visit the Philippines, and or India...  I would rather go to India first, then to the Philippine's... But then I am not sure completely either so who knows...  I am going to start working on my math and science so that I can go take a placement test and then maybe hopefully go to medical school... Who knows if that will happen though, would be nice to go to medical school... I am wanting to go into Emergency Medicine... It's a good goal to try and reach for though...  I know how hard it is to be a patient in the Emergency Room...  I know how scary can be when in there...  It can be scary when you are hooked up to all sorts of machines and then half the time they have you drugged up or they sedate you...  I have been there hooked up to the EKG machine, Blood Pressure cuff going off every five minutes, a Oxygen saturation piece stuck on your finger, all sorts of iv's sticking out of you, being rushed to and from places within the hospital, and then either released or admitted to the hospital for god knows how long... Its hard I know how it feels, so I could relate really well with the patients... I am able to distance myself from what is going on during the treatment of the patient...  Well I guess I should stop rambling and post so night y'all...

She was born in late December of 2028 on the 20th.... Her hair is a reddish-blond and her eyes a vivid shock of violet..... She is not very tall she is maybe about 5','1 ½ if she is standing tall....She was born in Malin, Ireland which is in the Northwest Region of Ireland not to far from Castle Rea…The area has always been beautiful with lush fields of crops and tranquil forests..

 

            She has always had to somewhat fight to survive ever since she was a young girl...   When her parents were alive they instilled in her the love of nature and music.  They were teaching her magic up to the point of their death...   Her parents died when she was only thirteen... She was heart broken as it was nearing her birthday when this happened.... Soon after that she realized how very different than the other young ladies her age she was..... Though her parents were well known no-one came forward to care for the girl.........   She is sweet gentle charismatic strong of mind could become a powerful witch if she wanted... Knows how to use magic but will only use it if she has to: She hates fighting and will only fight if she is sure there is no other way out.....

 

            From the time she was thirteen till the time she was seventeen she did odd little errands for local Lords and Ladies either delivering a letter, or doing the shopping for them just so that she could survive. She did far more than deliver letters or do simple shopping in the market..... Every  now and again a Lord or Lady would ask a spell or reading be done, she was nervous to do so as she had not been fully trained when her parents had died, she always refused......

 

            Finally one day when out running an errand for the Lord Fitzroy, she ran into a Lord or whom she thought was a Lord, till she looked up and saw the well known very powerful Wizard, she had heard of this Wizard and was nervous and scared as she had just ran completely into Him.... she had heard He could be ruthless but this Wizard this man did not look like He could harm a simple fly... Yet still she had heard of His reputation...  she looks up gasping softly seeing the beautiful emerald eyes looking at her but showing no anger but intrigue. ((The first two main characters met in 2045))  She murmured an apology and moves to walk away when His strong hand grabs her wrist...  she stops startled wondering what this Wizard could want with her.....

 

He began to speak to her asking “Where are ye going in such a rush lass?” His voice was rich and deep it had an edge to it as if there was a dark secret he kept…

 

Aingel unsure what to do  says nervously “I am off te deliver a letter fer the Lord MacGregor te Lady O'Brian.”  She is quiet for  a moment then asks “Why does M'Laird wish te know?”  She smiled softly looking up at the Lord......

 

The Lord just smiled at her, a smile that un-nerved her and sent chills down her spine something about him didn’t seem quite right but the Lord seemed so kind and gentle. She still had the impression that he couldn’t hurt a fly.

 

When he spoke again his voice was low when he spoke “Ye look hungry. Twas just wondering if ye would like lunch when ye are through?” He smiled at her as he looked at her tiny frame. “I am Lord Ahern

 

She winced a bit at his words she knew that she didn’t eat much, but she did what she could to survive from day to day.  She was lucky to eat may once a day every other day, the most important thing to her was to keep a roof over her head at the inn so when she had enough money she would eat, but eat but even then it wasn’t very much.  She smiled weakly whispering “M’Laird I do naye know if that tis such a good idea. I must work te keep the roof over me head at the inn. But I would enjoy lunch. So aye I will join ye, but I can naye stay long” She was alarmed that she had actually had yes to lunch with this Lord she knew this could be trouble but she ignored that feeling and added. “Lady O’Brian lives just down the road at the edge of the village it twill naye take me long te deliver this letter if M’Laird would like te come with me.  Or I will can ye when I return” She quickly adding as she looked up to him “I could ride with ye there but ye would naye be able te come up te the house with me.”

This war we fight is it right?
We fight to free those oppressed,
We fight for the rights of all who live..
How do we mourn the loss, of all who are lost..
Do we cry or celibrate the life of you who fight...
Your lives are given for those who are prisoners..
You go missing and we pray you live...
We see the horrors of how you live..
Live in the zone of war,
How can we ever imagine what you see and feel...
How can we help you mourn...
Mourn the loss of your friends..
Your fellow brothers and sisters...
Brothers and sisters in arms...
Do we know how hard it is..
How hard life is for you...
Are we weak or are we strong..
We stand by you hoping you survive..
Yet somehow You return,
Return wtih a part missing from you...

I dedicate this poem to all Who serve in this war in Iraq...Peace be with you...And May the heavens keep you safe...

Unnamed poem

 

What is love?

Is it something a mother shows their child?

Or is it in how a mother casts,

Her own child off to the side…

Is it in how a mother ignores,

Her child’s cries for help…

Or in how she ignores the signs,

The sign of what the Mother is doing,

Is killing her child’s heart...

Is breaking the child’s spirit…

Is it love when the child says,

I need to go to the ER,

And the Mother says I am not taking you…

Then finally says get your shoes NOW…

Then the mother gives this child,

Nothing but hell on the way to the ER…

Is it love when the mother doesn't stay,

Stay to see if her child is ok?

Is it love when the mother abandons her child,

When the child is in an ER room hooked up?

Hooked up to monitors, and machines?

Machines that are trying to find whets wrong…

Is this love or is it spite?

 

Is this spite the mother shows,

Is it her way of showing love?

Or is it her way of getting revenge?

Revenge for all the mistakes,

All the mistakes her child has made,

Has made while growing up?

Growing up trying to be wiser, wiser and stronger.

 

This child now an adult looks back…

Looks back on the broken relationships...

The one with their mother,

As well as many others...

The ones with their ex's who have abused them…

Or people who say they are their friends?

These people who use this child to get,

To get only what they want...

 

This child’s mind and heart though an adult,

Is filled, filled with pain…

A heart that that is broken…

Broken and laying in the mud…

To far beyond repair,

Repair that would take years of love...

The years of love this child only saw…

Only saw from their grandmother...

A grandmother who raised this child,

More than this child's mother did...

 

This mother who doesn't seem to see…

See that her child is in pain…

Pain caused by abuse…

Abuse from her and others…

 

This child’s heart is leery now leery…

Leary of All who say they love her...

Is it truly love?

Or is it just a lie, a lie to hurt this child again...

 

This child needs love,

But only one who shows love...

Love this child needs,

Is from their grandmother...

Yet this child’s grandmother,

May not be around forever…

What will this child do?

When the grandmother is gone?

The child already lost their dad...

Will this child loose another?

Who showed them love?

 

Who knows but this child’s heart and soul has

Been torn and broken then mended again only

To be hurt again...

Will this child ever find what they need?

~~~spirit~angel~~~

For in her spirit, there is

love, gentleness, and

the desire to please.

Keep her heart,

safe and secure,

for it is her true

self whom she

loves to be.

Stuck in a cage

wrought by fate

bound by Family's string

a venomous rape

virtual desperate

to fly again

a prisoner realized

longing to escape

                Pleasurable Pain        

gives her wings

to fly high to

cry, dance, and sing.

Her dance is one of,

great love.

She gives her heart,

when she helps,

serves, and pleases,

those around her.

She is a true Angel.

She must be true,
to her heart,

and through that,

her spirit shows.

She is a true Spirit Angel.

One who's spirit is great.

This Spirit Angel always

is able to give and love.

That is how she lives,

as a Spirit Angel.

Passing On

 

I blink looking around I see my body laying below,

My daughter of fifteen crumpled by the bed.

My daughter crying and being held…

I wonder why all my family is so upset…

I don’t understand what is going on,

Till I see the doctor talking to my family…

I hear the words “We are so sorry for your loss...”

I wonder why this happening and what is going on,

And then my love and life,

Who passed when I was young comes up to me,

And says “It’s time to go my sweet…”

I look at Leo and ask…

“What is going on why are they all crying?”

Leo looks to me and says…

“You were in an accident my sweet…”

I blink looking to Him thinking it is some cruel joke,

Hoping that this is only some horrible nightmare…

Then my son who died at birth is brought to me…

Seeing Michael it hits me that I am truly dead…

I scream… “This can’t be happening I can’t be dead…”

Leo looks to me giving a tender smile as I ask…

“How bad was the accident?”

He tries to hide the pain as He says “A drunk driver…”

Then I ask “How long have I been in this hospital?”

He sighed saying… “Two months you were injured badly...”

I begin to sob realizing this is no joke,

And I begin to scream realizing never again will I hold my daughter…

I screamed hoping I would wake hoping it was still a nightmare…

I did not wake, I watched as the doctors and nurses begin to clean me up…

I try to touch my daughter and I see her look around,

I smile knowing she can feel me there watching over her now…

I turn to Leo and I say… “I am ready please take me home…”

I then begin to wonder will I see my dad who passed when I was a child…

Will the rest of my friends and family be there in heaven when I get there?

Or will I simply just be alone…

 

Written by: Neko San AKA Elizabeth 

Written on: June 28, 2007